Tuesday, September 29, 2009

How do I make my voice heard?

Dear Edahn,
I feel taken advantage by my girlfriend. Wait, not in the good way. I feel as though we are always doing what she wants to do and my needs get swept under the rug. I am somewhat responsible for this as I tend to be a people pleaser and I do want to do what she wants in an effort to make her happy, but I often wonder when my turn is going to come around. I often witness her playing the people pleaser with other relationships, but with me she asserts herself way too much.

THE TIME WILL COME when you go out on a limb and start speaking up when you feel like you're getting taken advantage of. Don't wait for her to change; don't wait for your confidence to build itself up; and don't see a psychologist to diagram your mother's toilet-training techniques. JUST DO IT. Assert yourself when the time is right. When you start feeling used, speak up immediately, and when your needs get swept under the rug, sweep 'em right-the-heck back out. If that means not making her happy, then so be it. This isn't just the [Your Girlfriend's Name Italicized] Show. You need to be happy too, and besides, in making yourself happy, you indirectly make her even more happy than if you continued placating her.

She'll probably be confused or resistant at first and you might fuck up here and there and blow little things out of proportion -- I said I didn't want pickles! Why must you always ignore my needs you Jezebel??? Those are all natural, healthy parts of the adjustment process. Once you make room for your voice to be heard and start to feel respected, the need to protect that voice will be less urgent and you'll have the option of scaling back some of your assertiveness. Then you'll find your balance between asserting yourself and letting things go. Harmony at last.

Everything will fall into place. I promise it will get easier over time to the point where it becomes natural and you start to wonder how you could have ever not stood up and made your presence felt. Have fun, Tiger!


Anonymous said...

I heard on the radio this morning that one of the west country local councils was bring taken to task by one of its members regarding the normal proceedure of opening prayers before meetings began the member concerned is a non believer and is saying that it offends his human rights to have to be present while prayers are said
this is a christian country and its an offence to the other members of the council to be told that opening prayers should stop just because one moron thinks he/she is more important than everyone else
this is one of the most frustating aspects of life in this contry when the view of one person is concidered more impotant that everyone elses for goodness sake get rid of these stupid laws or make them make sense

Julie Anderson said...

I am from a very small town and i am in need of some help for a non profit benefit we are holding for my father in March right here in our home town. He was diagnosed with MSA and has had it for three years already and it has literally destroyed him. I remember just three years ago he was in better shape and health than a 18 year old boy but now has gone downhill since then and fast! It is the hardest thing in the world to watch someone who gave you life lose his slowly! My father is a retired veteran and has worked his entire life giving and supporting everyone to make sure they had what they needed! This terrible disease has cost him a lot. He had to quit his job and now is at home with 24-7 care. We looked into these stem cell treatments for people with MSA and although it doesn't cure the disease it does however prolong their life and their health improves drastically. I wouldn't think of it less than a miracle if this treatment he needs is successful. Our goal is to raise $10,000 and i don't even know where to begin. I would love for my community or people worldwide to make a donation in honor of him or any other suffering this terrible loss! I wish i had that kind of money to give but it seems impossible to even get that! We are setting up a non-profit donation account for him in the morning at our local credit union and are trying to get a date set for this fundraiser event in honor of him. I hope we exceed our goal and he is on his way to recovery. If anyone has any way of donating or giving me some kind of idea on how to get help from anyone anywhere PLEASE let me know. This is a desperate cry for help as i am lost in sorrow and need as much help as i can get. Even prayer would ease my agony right now. God Bless my father as he travels down this path in his life and hope that if miracles do exist, then one day he will get his!