Friday, September 18, 2009

I give, He takes



Dear Edahn,


I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. We started off our relationship strong, but have been drifting apart and fighting more often. I like to buy him stuff -- clothing, food, gifts -- but he doesn't reciprocate. I just want to be taken out one in a while but he says he doesn't have money. When he does have money, though, he spend it on car accessories, TVs, and other stuff like that. I'm also bugged by the fact that he only works 2 days a week and still lives with his parents. What can I do to help my relationship?


This guy is immature. He wants people to finance him while he plays around with his toys. He's very focused on himself and not at the point where he is willing to treat others with dignity and fairness and be responsible for his behavior and future. He'll continue to use you by accepting gifts from you knowing he won't end up giving you the same in return as long as you keep supplying him.


The basis of compromise is that people can make small changes to their routine as needed, but that's different from making changes to a person's character. Maturity, responsibility, and considerateness are personality traits that speak to character. Character has to change from within. The most you can do is help him see what's happening and cut some of his supply chains that enable him. For you, that would mean you should take a stand and stop buying him things. Even with that, I don't think he's going to transform into the independent, considerate boyfriend you're seeking anytime soon. My vote: dump him and find someone more like-minded.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

whuts with all the baby pics???

Edahn said...

It just seemed apropos.