Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Feeling torn between my friends

Hi Edahn,

If two friends are dating and I know one friend is not as serious as the other, should I say something? I have a guy and girl friend. They know each other through me. I'm closer to Guy. Girl is kind of fragile because she has had a rough past. She hasn't dated in a long time and may have attachment issues. They started dating. They haven't formally committed to "boyfriend/girlfriend" status. Girl seems to be falling hard with the hope that it leads somewhere. Guy tells me he's just having fun. Do I just completely stay uninvolved? If I do, then how do I act when Girl tells me all the time about how happy and serious she is about him? I don't want to lose either friend. I want to be loyal to both.

In general, people should stop dating once one person becomes much more invested than the other partner and the other partner recognizes that he's not that interested. Tell the guy ("Guy") that the girl ("Girl") seems really attached and hopeful. You can ask him to be honest with her and not lead her on if he senses that he's not as serious as she. You don't have to get into her history and all your observations, nor do you need any kind of assurance that he'll heed your advice. Putting him on notice is enough. I appreciate your hesitation to get involved, but as I see it, you're simply making sure your friends treat each other with dignity and respect. There's nothing controversial about that. Good looking out. You can leave an update in the "comments" section if you'd like.

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