|It's the same thing.|
Dearly beloved Edahn, ;D
I have a friend who drinks to bury his psychological torment over his life and the death of him alcoholic mom years ago. He complains about how no one loves him and no one ever will. The moment he finds a girl, he puts all his eggs in one basket, scares her away, and feels rejected. I think they can't take his constant negativity. He wrote this note after getting out of the hospital for surgery. Earlier this year he was in an alcohol-related accident and was in the ICU for days. It seems like he's suicidal. But sometimes I don't know if he's just crying wolf. When he finds someone it's as if the Red Sea has parted, the sun is now shining and the squirrels and butterflies are frolicking.
His Facebook note written yesterday at 10pm:
Back home again. Another near death. Yet, nothing changes. 8 days to wonder about everything. Is it really worth going on? Is there really something out there waiting for me? Part of me believes that. There a larger part of me that doesn't. It seems like every time I hear someone tell me that, I feel like shooting myself. It's been nearly 5 years now in which I've been hearing that over and over again. I'm losing patience. I just can't see the light to this at all. This was all I could think about during my 2nd hospital stay. I tried to see what I had. What could get me through this. There really isn't anything. Even with what it already mine. Family can only lift me so far. They're so far away. I'm so stuck here in this place. Maybe this wasn't the place I wanted to escape to. Was it really my home where I wanted to be? Or does it go beyond that? I don't know. I have so many questions. So many why's and why not's. The biggest two would be "Why me?" or "Why not me". I feel like I just want to throw in the towel. I'm sick and tired of waiting for something that might not even come. I'm pushing myself really hard to do anything. I don't know whether it's outta fear of something or that I really just don't have it in me anymore. Feel's like all I know is pain and disappointment. Two of my best friends. The only other things I can count on. We all know what the other is.
What should I do?
Tell him to cut it the fuck out (lovingly) and go get frozen yogurt with him. Teach him a new way to see the world and live without thinking about misery all the time, without needing other people to pity him or approve him. Don't dig into his issues too much but demonstrate how to live less awkwardly. You know how. A new way of living will give him hope and heal him.
There'll probably come a point in time where you begin talking about his problems. No problem. Stay authentic and don't pity him if you sense that he's looking for that. You can be kind and still honest.
Pace yourself so you don't burn out, but if you do or feel like you need more help, talk to him about checking into a psychiatric hospital and tell him you'll go with him. Worse comes to worse, be prepared to call the police. If/when he becomes dependent on you, don't give up. You can either point it out or explain that you need your solitude.
Here're some of the suicide warning signs you can use to familiarize yourself. Trust your intuition. You're a good friend, you know that? Not to me, of course, but to him, lol. ;) I keed, I keed!