This is what life is for everyone. This is the carrot that perpetually dangles in front of us, enticing us to chase it. A little more security. A little more respect and status. A little more comfort.
But it's that chasing that leaves us feeling alone and disconnected, because chasing is also a form of escape. When you chase something, you're saying "what I have isn't good enough." You split off from your situation, kind of the way a spirit leaves a dead body in a cartoon.
The irony is that we think once we get that security or that status or that personality flaw fixed, we'll finally be at rest--happy. Is that true? Do we really reach a state of satisfaction or do we just habituate and then start needing more? Five to seven years ago, all I wanted was a blog to express myself and help others, a business where I could be creative, and to be in a psych program. Now that I have those things, am I satisfied? Not at all. I want more...better.
The stuff, the security, the skills, the options, they're like gum. They lose their flavor and we end up needing more. It's an addiction that we build a tolerance to throughout our lives, needing bigger and bigger doses to feel good. The Buddha, on his deathbed, said "All conditioned things are impermanent." Conditioned things are things that depend on other things to exist. My security depends on my bank account, which depends on my job, my clients, the economy, global trends, the weather, politics, etc. They're inherently chaotic and unpredictable, always in a state of decay.
So where does that all leave us? What can you do when everything is so slippery that you can't really hold onto it? What if there was no security? No progress?
And you see what you are.
You see where you are.
You greet yourself in your situation. Hello me. The spirit comes back into the body.
And what you start to see is that all this fucking craziness settles. The desperation, the agitation, the worrying. It just stops, because it was all a byproduct of this false notion that getting something will finally satisfy you.
And you smile.
Because your heart begins to thaw. Kindness starts to pervade, almost from no where.
And no you're just sitting, doing nothing. Nothing needs to be done anymore. Everything is just fine where it is. Maybe even more than fine. There is no pretending.
You change yourself not by becoming someone else, but by becoming what you already are, who you are, where you are.
|Wallpaper for ya. Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hmoong/|