Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Feel like asking anything?

It's been a while since I've answered or solicited questions from my adoring and not-so-adoring fans, but I want to open up the floor again for questions. Whatever ya got, it's anonymous. Ask away.




Saturday, February 28, 2015

Saturday musings

The idea that every riddle has a solution can be very motivating and exciting. The idea that some riddles don't have solutions is utterly fascinating.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

A Tribute to Art

There are all types of things in the universe that, when paid proper attention to, inspire a sense of wonder and admiration. I first noticed this with the question. Literally, a question, is an amazing thing. The way a sentence is structured and given an upward inflection towards the end makes a listener go into an information gathering, structuring, and verbalizing process, culminating in an answer. That whole process is really incredible and interesting, and it all happens with a question. When did questions arise? How did they arise? Who asked the first question in history? What happened to a group that didn't have questions? Where would we be?

Anyway, there are tons of these things in the world to ponder and admire and my small mind can only fathom of few of these things, although I think with more time and attention, we can notice more. Today's tribute is to art.

I have my own definition of art, and it comes from my experience, oddly enough, in meditation. Everyone can have their own definition of art, and arguing about which one is "right" seems to be a completely futile exercise, since we're ultimately just talking about which word gets attached to which experience or thing, rather than asking what the thing is and how it operates. That's a much more interesting question.

I first understand art as a process of letting go, although I didn't really know it was art yet. In meditation, a person surrenders their need to fight things, especially the mind itself, and they make peace, guiding subtly using wisdom and care. In my practice, I'd often have an urge to write after sitting. The writing was usually a poem (or sorts--I'm not a very good poet) about breathing, letting go, and the emotional qualities of sitting silently. The strange thing was that the quality of writing seemed different. It was almost like the pen was dancing in my hand, writing what was important. I'd even doodle a little, just shapes, but it was a non-judgmental, flowing kind of drawing, where the pen strokes all worked in harmony. It didn't look like anything really interesting, but when I looked at it, I could recognize that it was written in a special conflict-free state of mind.

Later, I began designing and creating things visually. The struggles of creative types were real for me: feeling like I wasn't in the zone, nothing was clicking, everything seemed boring and formulaic. But then there were small moments where, with the help of music, maybe tea, maybe some exhaustion, and the right mood, I was able to drop everything--every need to create something great, every expectation I put on myself. My thoughts and ego dissolved somehow into the music and space I was in, and my hand, my mouse, my mind, all started to dance and create things. The things would get better the more I learned how to design and build things.

And this brings us to the essence of art. Art isn't just about the person, it's about moving out of the way of things and letting them do their own thing with your guidance. The materials in your hand, whether they be the materials of a fine artist, a sculptor, a writer, a designer, a musician, come together at their own pace, with their own force. The artist's job is to guide them without forcing them in a direction they aren't naturally moving.

A good analogy is with a tether ball. As the ball swings around the pole, another person can choose to apply a certain degree of force that's consistent with the direction the ball's already moving, or orthogonal to it, but if he or she goes against hit, hitting it in the opposite direction, they're be in conflict with it.

Aikido is another good example. Aikido literally means together + spirit + tao (the way). In Aikido, the defender recognizes the natural motion of a person (the aggressor) and joins it, rather than fighting against it. The defender applies force that complements the force of the aggressor, or guides it in a direction that's consistent with its original trajectory, much like a person hitting the tether ball without opposing its momentum, but remaining consistent with it.

The same is true of art. The materials have a natural tendency, and the artist's job is to move with them, not against them--not in conflict. This happens in the art state of mind because by definition, that state of mind is free of conflict (or has minimal conflict in it). Conflict can't live in that space. The artist just helps guide the materials into their form.

Zooming out one more step, the process of art is really about harmony. It's about man living in harmony with the universe, not against it, but still participating. Art is harmonious joint cooperation in the universe. You might think of it as an existential teamwork. It's a rare thing in today's world to witness true art because people are so wrapped up in the consequences of their lives that they live in constant conflict with the universe, thinking they can beat it into submission to get what they want. Sometimes they do, for sure. But it has an ugly quality to it.

When we see people in harmony with the universe, we can instantly recognize the quality of true beauty that it possesses, not just in the process, but also in the product. We can take it a step further and make it personal. Finding harmony with the universe is our general mission in life because of the peace of mind it creates, and more importantly, because when you have it, you realize its meaning and power. This isn't something that can be argued logically; it's based on experience and everyone can experience it.

I believe, based on my experiences, that unhappiness comes from living in conflict with the general way of things, the opposite of Aikido, you could say. The tricky thing is, when people try and climb out of their suffering, they may very well start fighting with their own existence, more specifically, with the moment they're in and the qualities of that moment--their thoughts, emotions, surroundings, with others and their imagined thoughts about them. That creates more unhappiness in the long run because it keeps them in conflict.

The answer isn't just giving up, although giving up helps orient and clarify thinking and intention sometimes. I think the answer is a sort of mental Aikido--handling our disappointments and heartache with wisdom and clarity, without fighting against it. Those thinking styles can be cultivated in meditation, but need to be brought out into life to really work. With mental aikido, one can discover ways of redirecting threatening mental and emotional forces and thereby neutralize them, restoring a sense of calm and relaxation.

The same principles apply to restoring beauty and harmony in our outer world, whether we decide to fix a broken political system or social system, help a sick person or nation, or otherwise.

In essence, we are bringing the practice of art into our inner lives, our outer lives, extending it past the studio and past the meditation hall. We're making our lives, inner and outer, into works of art.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Manifesto of Hope

I don't think anyone still reads this blog, but in the off chance that someone does, here's something.

We're in a very shitty situation right now as a species. People are acting out, out of greed, fear, and absolute delusion. Here in the US, especially in metropolitan areas, we've become completely estranged from our neighbors. We're confused. We don't know how to quench our thirst for happiness, comfort, love, and security. We have ideas and we're experimenting, but we're not sure. Something seems off.

Corruption is rampant. Private corporations have managed to infiltrate our healthcare systems, financial systems, education systems, legal systems, and political systems. They've trampled the environment and its inhabitants. They've managed to systematically drain the people of their resources, their intelligence, and their hope. Lobbying is a euphemism for bribery. The corruption is now systemic, reinforced by politicians and laws that have both been sponsored by the corporate entities they serve.

Overseas, the situation has become even more chaotic that dangerous. In Africa, intolerance and disease, In Europe and the Middle East, the rise of fundamentalism and all the militant responses it engenders. In Russia, an imperialistic posture threatens to destabilize the region and perhaps the rest of the world.

It feels like everything is burning down, and when we try to make a change, we experience gridlock. Resistance. There's too much to fix, and all the channels needed to fix it are already corrupted. It's like trying to fix a pipe with a broken wrench.

And yet, there's a hope. There's a hope that our generation, inspired by our personal values and compassion, will wake up, band together, and force change, not through violence, but through our intelligence and ingenuity. Touching hearts, touching minds, touching the humanity in our neighbors and our enemies. Finding our moral backbone and courage, we set on a path, determined to flush the organs of society of their toxic elements. We start to build a new society with new systems and traditions. We follow in the footsteps of our Founding Fathers, who also saw the need to create an alternative to the injustice they experienced.

Words and ideas are not enough. It's time for us to unite and take action to create a society we know in our hearts and minds is balanced, good, and just. We can't just wait for someone else to start. We need to be the start--the spark. Others will join because they know, deep down, that the world is sick and needs healing. What will I do? What will you do? What will we do?


Wednesday, July 2, 2014

How do I handle my jealousy?

Hi Edahn,

I read your posts on psychcentral and felt you really knew what you were talking about and maybe could help me. The issue I am have is trying to eliminate or control my extreme insecurities. My fiance told me last night after thinking about this in his head for 4 months that he doesn't know what to do other than postponing the wedding because he feels trapped, helpless, and walking on eggshells. I know I do have a problem since it have dealt with a lot of things in my life such as anorexia, supporting myself, having a father who would verbally abuse me. I am constantly facing anxiety, depression, negative thoughts, and while I do trust my fiance wholeheartedly it comes off to him otherwise. 

Some of the things I do include: asking him why is he looking at a girl and did he think she is attractive and if he wants to be with her. I know that is crazy. I have gotten better since we started dating, however it isn't enough for my fiance to not feel this way. I need advice on what I can do to cop with my insecurities and what you feel we should do about the wedding?

I'M GOING TO save you years of therapy by giving you some big clues as to what's going on. Your dad put you down when you were young. He made you feel like you were useless and lacked value. When people are in relationships, they're deepest fears bubble up to the surface and start making a mess. For you, it's the thought that you lack value, and that people will leave you for someone better. There's more to it, including the fact that everyone's born with this fear (in my opinion, at least). But that core fear has been agitated and worsened for you because of your difficult upbringing.

You've been dealing with that fear by sending it out for verification (asking/accusing your fiance) and then, once you've been assured that he isn't leaving you or thinking about it (and that you're valued), your fears are muted...until the next time. What you need to do is learn a totally new way of addressing your fears and thoughts. It starts with recognizing what's happening, which you can now start doing...right? Right. Maybe you hold his hand or hold your own hand, figuratively. You're learning how to live in peace, with joy, without succumbing to persistent fears.

Going deeper, you'll benefit more from making an even broader shift in your life. Pay attention to the stories in your imagination and find themes...jealousy, conflict, admiration, attention. We all have them. Find a way to be compassionate to yourself. Be curious. Improve yourself but love yourself as you do it. Open your heart to others. Keep your mind sharp. These are things that everyone has to do, not just you, but it'll pay off. 

As for your marriage, it's not my place to tell you what to do. It's your life. You decide how to decide, you take the risks, you live with the results. Find peace in your heart, even for 5 minutes, and think about your situation again. See what feels right and trust it.