I've been doing a lot of reflection about intentions lately. I've never been modest. In fact, I used to always take opportunities to show off and get some good ole' fashion admiration. But I started becoming more aware of that need, and started to ask what it is that it does for me. Admiration gives me a sense of strength and value. Sure, I could speculate as to why I was seeking that--my parents, the nature of ego, capricious self-worth--but that didn't matter as much as understanding what it was. Not only did I want the glory, I delighted (subtly) when other people failed.
So I started to think more about that. At first, it was selfish. I believe in karma 100%, and I didn't want to have bad things happen to me. So I stopped thinking badly about others, and with that, I stopped trying to get people to praise me for my achievements.
But then something else happened. I started to get a little calmer. And I started to see how the desire for glory has its costs. For one thing, it riles you up ever so slightly, but just enough to throw you off balance. And by that I mean, not being centered, calm, and kind. It also makes you more egotistical, and I think egoism can be a huge trap. Because when you take credit for your accomplishments, you also take blame for the failures. Contrast that to assigning credit to external forces and luck, where you can just as easily deflect blame onto external forces and luck. That protects you from disappointment, but more importantly, it protects you from pressure. That pressure can destroy your natural brilliance and flow, which is such a great asset. Maybe humble people understand that, or maybe they're just really humble by nature.
So, I think I've learned something. But I don't really take credit for it. I stumbled on it by accident and I had the fortune of having parents, friends, and opportunities that shaped how I think and see things.
New post on Thursday or sooner. Questions? AskEdahn@gmail.com.