Hi Edahn,I'm not sure talking is the way to go. My approach would be more to bring them to a place of honesty, calmness, and responsibility. That "place" is a state of mind I've been referring to as Rest. Other people might call it a "still point." When you're not rushing to do something and face the person you are right now without panicking, your body calms down, your mind calms down, your eyes become "soft" and your heart opens up. If you've been taken advantage of, or been taking advantage of someone else, you'll know it and make a change.
I have 2 friends in a long distance relationship. One is in the military and is currently living out of his car to pay his girlfriends rent. We were all visiting each other recently and they were fighting over money. She can be very persuasive and controlling and I'm worried about him getting taken advantage of. How can I talk to them without making them feel like he is being subservient and she is being selfish? I don't want to lose either one of them as friends. Thank you!
As a friend, the best way to help another person achieve that state is to achieve it yourself because one of the great things about Rest is that it's contagious. When you meet someone who is honest, calm, and open, you naturally absorb those qualities.
There are lots of ways to move into the Restful state of mind. If you've meditated for a while, you may have gotten a good taste of it, but even if you haven't, you've probably experienced it and seen it a bunch of times. In my next post, I'll give you some of my personal techniques and tips, but for now, I would just focus on ridding yourself of anger and judgment. Contemplate peace and be a source of peace for everyone around you. You can picture yourself sitting with your friends, staying calm and peaceful, but still listening and being engaged. You can even imagine people around you starting to calm down. If you can explore that image and commit yourself to it, even for a trial period, you'll be in great shape. Eventually, your calmness and integrity will start to spill over and your friends will start to transform, slowly entering a place where they can address this issue correctly.