Spanx for Nuthin'

Hi Edahn, (Hello, madam)

I recently became aware of the huge difference wearing spanx can have on my appearance and confidence, (is this an ad?) especially in clingy clothing. The problem is that I never know how to go from dressed to undressed with a guy when I am wearing undergarments that will likely remind him of his grandma. Any tips? 

So I googled "spanx" because I had no idea what you were talking about. For all the guys, this is a spanx (spank?) ----->

Personally, that does not remind me of my grandma. Diapers, pudding, and Alzheimer's medication remind me of my grandma. I actually think these things are pretty cool, and I'm not just saying that because the good people at Spanx, Inc. offered to pay me for saying that, verbatim.

Here're a few options you can "try on." (Get it? Try on? Ahh, whatever...)

1. Upon disrobing, you say "they're called Spanx. Know why?" Then you make a motion of your hand slapping your own ass.

2. You excuse yourself to the bathroom, remove Spanx, insert into purse, and come back out wearing your outer garments.

3. Same as 2, but you come out wearing whipped cream and cherries.

4. Same as 3, but you come out completely naked. If you do this, you HAVE to first say "I'm going to slip into something more [pause] comfortable," otherwise it's officially not awesome.

5. You say "yeah, they're like [whatever the guy you're hooking up with is wearing, it doesn't matter], except less gay."

6. You take them off together with your outer garments. Is it slutty? Eh. Think of it as efficient.

7. You say absolutely nothing because the guy you're hooking up with really doesn't give a shit as long as he knows it's eventually coming off.

And that, my friends, is how you solve a dilemma. Spanx for writing in! Please whore out my blog!