Can't Stop Snoopin'
I have a problem. Over a year ago I overheard my ex boyfriend give out his email password to his brother because of an emergency. Like a psycho stalker, I logged in to his email account-- mostly just to read what he had written about and chatted about me to his friends (both during and after our relationship). Then I got carried away. I started reading all of his old emails with his ex. I felt like I developed a much deeper understanding of who he really was and where he was coming from. Months passed, and I continued to regularly log in to his account -- just to read, not to write or chat anybody or anything. He started dating someone else, and I started reading their emails to each other. It's like a soap opera that I'm addicted to.
I'm totally over him in a romantic way. I have a serious boyfriend who[m] I love and am very happy with. I just cant stop myself from logging in to his email. I'm addicted to it the way I've become addicted to facebook and my own email account. Like I need the daily update. He and I are still acquaintances/friends, but have hung out a lot less since I no longer need to actually make plans with him to find out what's going on in his life. I don't even really like him that much. This has become much more of a voyeur thing for me at this point. HELP, I CAN'T STOP!!! I know its wrong. (Right?)
No, it's not wrong at all.
Of course it's fucking wrong! You're violating another person's privacy and concealing it from them. What's worse is that you've turned it into a habit and even started wondering if this is somehow okay. It's not that it's doing so much damage to him, but it's doing damage to you. By catering to your addiction, you're establishing a perilous precedent: you're ignoring your conscience.
Don't minimize the whole ordeal. This is some serious shit. Your conscience is your inner guide. It doesn't just guide you to good outer behavior; it guides you to inner peace and integrity. When you live in accordance with your conscience, you don't have to expend energy on hiding things or pretending to be someone you're not or dwelling on the past and feeling guilty. That frees you up to naturally be more present, more available, more at ease.
So what do you do? You can create a dummy Hotmail account and send him an email saying "Your Gmail account has been compromised, stupid! Change your password at least once every 6 months." Include his login and password for proof and sign the email "a loyal member of HungryHackers.com". On a deeper level, you can view this ordeal as as a wake up call from the existential front desk. Listen to your conscience, cherish it, and let it sing through you.