Are my feet too small?

Dear Edahn,

I feel like sometimes my feet are too small for my body. Any advice for this girl?

There are worse things than having small feet. You could have enormously offensive Shaq feet or leathery Frodo Baggins feet. I recommend you start referring to your feet as "cute" even if you don't see them that way yet. If after a week you're not starting to feel a bit better about your cute midget feet, then I'd suggest using a fail-proof method I developed through years of research, consulting, and experimentation. Warning: you should only use this method if you really, really desperate. It's not the faint of heart. Ready? Okay --

-- wait. Remember, take at least a week before trying Plan B. Okay. Here it goes:


Good God. I just did it myself. There is absolutely no way you could ever feel anything but overflowing gratitude after witnessing the unspeakable horror that is It's like being trapped in a Rob Zombie nightmare. Sheer terror.

The good news is that you'll never have to be ashamed of your feet again. The bad news is that you probably now have PTSD.