I don't feel like he cares about me

Dear Edahn,

I am in a relationship where I constantly feel emotionally unsatisfied and unsure of how important I am to my partner. I love my boyfriend and want it to work but at the same time, I don't want to waste years on something that isn't going anywhere. What should I do?

Lets say you're not important to him. Then what? Stop fighting the thought and just accept it as a fact. How does that feel? Worried? Sad? Agitated? Relieved? Numb? Confused? Good. Be that.

You'll eventually discover something incredibly obvious and incredibly important: you're okay. You're actually okay without his support. You're still an individual with uniqueness and the capacity to experience joy and freedom. You have values, style, and interests (remember those?). You no longer have to labor under the illusion that securing his affection is the key to your happiness; it never was the key and never will be. Your happiness was always there. It just got partially covered up.

Try living like this for a while without worrying about the health and outcome of your relationship. Just let it be however damaged and confusing it is while you rediscover your capacity to feel joy despite the quality of your relationship. You are starting to cure neediness with self-reliance. When you remove neediness from the equation, you're better equipped to evaluate your relationship and decide what to do.