I'm having an affair with a married man. We only have sex we don't really hang out. I want him to leave his wife for me though. How do I make that happen? Will it happen?
The situation is I work with this man a few days a week and see him often enough. He has been married for 2 years. A month after he got married we started sleeping together. He has told me a few times if he wasn't married he would be with me. He has also said he loves me. I feel some guilt and remorse because I would not want this done to me as a woman, but I can't control my emotions or actions when it comes to him. I don't know what to do and I feel something one way or another has to be done. I like the attention but I am not fully getting what I want, obviously, because he is married. What do I do and say given that my ultimate goal would be to have him leave his wife for me. Am I stupid?
What makes you think this guy won't cheat on you once you end up with him, assuming you could? Don't you think his wife felt the same way about him, and don't you think he fed her the same lines? This is a guy who has been able to lie to the person he is supposed to be closest with for 2 years straight. Do you really think he's a man of integrity and honor? Absolutely not, and unfortunately, you've compromised your own honor by participating in all of this. I'm not saying you're a bad person, but I'm saying that you made a mistake and need to fix it. You are betraying your conscience and you need to stop and listen to it. More than any guy or any relationship, living in accordance with your conscience will give you real gratification. You know this deep down already, but you've been ignoring it.
The part about you not being able to control yourself is not accurate. It's an justification your mind made up to allow you to disregard your guilt and act irresponsibly. You can always control yourself. But I'll tell you what. I'll make it easier for you, and I won't do it through any trickery but simply by pointing you to the truth.
If this guy really wanted to be with you, he would have left his wife shortly after meeting you. It's easy to tell someone you love them, but it's harder to actually commit to them, and commitment he has not done. He uses you for sex and tells you what you want to hear so he can keep having sex with you. Think about what he said, that he would be with you if he wasn't married. What kind of thing is that to say? That's like saying "I would eat salad if I didn't have a hamburger, AND THEN ORDERING A HAMBURGER EVERY DAY." It's absolute nonsense. He hasn't left his wife for you because he doesn't want to. He is not the guy you think he is, and this is not the great relationship you think it could be. I'm sorry.
Wake up to what's happening, do the right thing, and find someone with real integrity who isn't bound up in a relationship. He's out there.
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