Dances with Boners

Dear Edahn,

When I'm dancing with a girl and things start getting freaky I sometimes get hard. Is this something I should try to prevent from happening or do girls expect it (and maybe even like it)?

Dude. I feel you. This is one of those ambiguous situations that's open to interpretation. As such, if you're really confident and sure that nothing is wrong, chances are the girl will follow suit and believe it's normal too. Here're a few guidelines to help your confidence:

1. If you're bumping and grinding, it's expected. The whole idea behind bumping and grinding is to simulate sex. Taking offense is tantamount to saying "how can you be thinking about sex at a time like this?!" while giving you an HJ under the table. If she gets offended, she doesn't know what she's doing, and if she walks away, whatever. She's probably annoying anyway.
2. If you're slow dancing -- not so much. If you start getting hard, you can start doing the swing-dancey thing when you hold hands and you both take turns going spinning under each other's arms. It'll give you some distance and time to calm down.
3. If you do get hard, pull her in closer. You can support her by putting your hand on the bottom of her back.
4. It never hurts to prepare a few lines for awkward situations.

She says / You say
1. A little excited there, are we? "Sorry, I was thinking about [your mom][my mom][dentistry]."
2. Can you relax? "No."
3. [She start getting uncomfortable] Push her away and preemptively yell "oh that's disgusting!" and walk away without offering any more explanation.

After a little practice it won't be such a big deal.

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