Background: In recent years, I've had 3 of the closest people pass away, and I don't think I'll ever recover. My long term relationship also ended. I feel regret in things I should of done, or I feel angry/sad for those who treated them so badly when they were around. I saw the world differently...I lost trust in most people and for those I did trust, I valued them more than ever. I find myself analyzing people and seeking their actual intentions. I used to freely make friends with anyone, just as long as I got a kick out of it. I think I used to be more selfish in the things I wanted to do or whatever benefited me (sounds bad, but I just made friends with whoever and never really thought about it before). I used to be indifferent about people with characteristics of being kind and considerate but now I find myself trying hard to build friendships with them. Those characteristics shine much more brightly to me now then they used to before. I guess I live everyday as if it was my last day and I would never want to take my good friends for granted. And I never want to surround myself around selfish bastards! What should I improve on?
[x] personal development
[x] finding some fucking happiness
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How about being less awesome? Sounds like things are progressing splendidly. You're learning about yourself, about others, and about what you value in others. That's good stuff.
One point about death and grieving. It's true that you will never be the same after someone dies. You're never the same when people come into your life and never the same when they leave because they change you. Their personality and spirit rubs off on you a bit and leaves some residue. Some people try to get back to the person they "were" before tragedy struck, but I think that's a mistake. If they really succeeded in doing that, they wouldn't just undo their grief, but also undo all the positive experiences and personal growth they've undergone. The point isn't to recover to the extent that you go back to where you were, but to recover in the sense that you let your grief turn into appreciation for the way those people participated in your life. Cheers, big ears.